Wednesday, 25 June 2008

On the Train

A young man is sat on a train reading a magazine, GQ or somesuch, ladsmag without so many tits, and in arty positions like around the lamp-post or something. down the aisle a trolley is pushed at high speed by a batty old woman who shouts "drinks...Refreshments" without really waiting for a response. the young man is prepared and puts his bag down in the aisle and waits for her to walk into it which she does
Woman: move your bag please it's a fire hazard
Man: (picking up bag as he speaks) can i get a cup of coffee, and have you got any ploughman's sandwiches?
Woman: no ploughmans
Man: cheese and pickle?
Woman: no cheese and pickle
man: prawn cocktail?
Woman: no prawn cocktail
Man: well...what cheesy sandwiches have you got then?
Woman: got alsatian
man: what?
woman: alsatian!
man: thats sick, i can't eat that
woman: well it's kind of like cheese
man: it's nothing like cheese, it's a dog
woman: was a dog, sir, was a dog, now it's a nutritious snack for the commuter on the go
man: you can't eat a dog!
woman: yes you can, it's been boned!
man: you can't eat a dog because it's an intelligent creature
woman: this one wasn't, fell in the mincer
man: oh thats horrible
woman: well if you don't like alsatian, how about terriyaki terrier?
man: oh god
woman: (reading from packet) using only the finest spices and cuts of rover this mouthwatering sandwich will fill you up all lunchtime
man: i will not eat a dog, no matter how mouthwatering it is
woman: alright then, how about fish?
man: whats the fish?
woman: tuna friendly dolphin
man: dolphin? you can't be serious?
woman: i did say tuna friendly dolphin sir, seeing as how dolphins get caught in tuna nets those clever fisherman worked out a special way of training tuna to make friends with the dolphins so they follow them into the nets. doubled their catch overnight they did sir. it was all over the news
man: i expect it was, this is ridiculous i just want a normal sandwich, a normal cheese sandwich
woman: i said we ain't got any cheese
man: alright, i'll have beef then
woman: beef? you're sick (storms off)

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